How to Drive People Away

Story time…

When we were getting ready to move to Montana, the husband and his dad came out here to look around and find a place for us to rent. When he came back—we were living in Pennsylvania at the time—he brought with him a copy of the local activities guide put out by the newspaper. “Look,” he said, pointing to an article, “Kalispell has a spinning and weaving guild.” At the time, I belonged to a very active guild in our area and I think he wanted to help smooth the transition for me by finding me a group I could join in the Flathead.

And as it turns out, the spinning and weaving guild was how I met Susan. I went to one of the meetings, on a Wednesday afternoon in the local Lutheran church basement, and a woman came up to me with a young girl in tow. I had DD#1 with me, who would have been about 1-1/2 at the time. Susan introduced herself, we got to chatting, and we discovered the the property the husband and I had just purchased was right down the road from where she lived.

And that is how Susan became my first and best Montana friend and my children’s other mother. Our daughters did not escape our activities:

We had a great guild here. It met every week—the first Wednesday was for spinners, the second for weavers, the third was the guild meeting, and the fourth was for fun. I participated in all the activities. I also became involved with the state organization known as MAWS (Montana Association of Weavers and Spinners). I took over producing the quarterly newsletter. I was a member of the board. I taught at the MAWS gatherings every other year. I was involved because I loved it and it was fun.

MAWS had an award called the Living Treasure Award. It was given at each MAWS state gathering. To be considered, a member had to be nominated by their guild with a form that indicated why that person met the criteria for being considered, which included service to the guild, teaching and sharing of information, and depth of knowledge. The nominations were evaluated by a committee. We nominated one of the members of our guild and I had the honor of introducing her at the meeting where the award was given. (It was in Missoula that year.) Some years, only one person was nominated. Some years, several people were nominated and it was not uncommon for each of them to be named a Living Treasure.

Unbeknownst to me until the last minute, our guild decided to nominate me for the award the year that the meeting was held here. By that point, I was teaching nationally as well as within the state. I would have been the youngest person to receive the award, although no age limit was specified in the nomination criteria. Three people were nominated that year. Two of them were awarded the Living Treasure award. I was not. I sat through the awards ceremony—our guild was the hosting guild that year—with a smile pasted on my face, but inside, I was crushed.

The explanation we were given later was that, “She’s young—she’ll be eligible for the award another time.” Perhaps that may have been true, but I didn’t stick around to find out as that was the end of my involvement with MAWS.

I think this is one area where organizations can really fall short. While I don’t require an award or big ceremony when I help out—a simple acknowledgement and thank-you will suffice—it’s critical that organizations avoid treating their supporters with disdain, taking them for granted, or behaving as though they are expendable. Being singled out NOT to receive that award felt like a slap in the face to me (and still stings a bit even years later). Organizations that operate in that manner may find their supporters quietly picking up their marbles and taking them somewhere else.

This post is not aimed at any of the groups I am volunteering with currently. I simply wanted to share this story as a cautionary tale about treating people with kindness and appreciation.

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On my way out of town yesterday, I stopped at Joann Fabrics and was delighted to find that their knit fabrics were on sale. And it was a big sale, like 60% off. I took advantage of the opportunity to stock up on fabric for making myself some more tops:

I bought three yards of the black with yellow flowers in case I decide to make myself a dress. I adore yellow but look like a corpse wearing it. I think I can get away with this print, though, as it’s mostly black.

It’s supposed to rain for at least the next couple of days. I will forego weeding in favor of sewing.